Going For Gold!

Forget Deal or No Deal with all of its fancy million dollar prizes and regulation soundstages. I want sets that emit neon gamma rays! Is that so much to ask?

But considering this lonely, miserable twat phase I’m going through and the now-exclusive relationship I have with my television I’ve really been getting pangs for something more. Where’d the magic go? You might say.  Sure, it was great the first time when you handed out a couple hundred thousand, Howie Mandell. But now it’s the same thing day after day, week after week. I need something new, something exciting. A million dollars don’t amount to a hill of beans in this crazy gameshow world of ours, Howie.

Thankfully I was introduced to Going For Gold the other night. It’s a hilariously benign and awesome early-nineties quiz-show featuring contestants from across Europe pitted against one another in a battle of  WITS, knocking each other out one by one by answering questions almost totally confined to robins and water-skiing, and all culminating in the winner being shuttled off to Korea, to spend two weeks emanating with the prestige of holding the title European Quiz Champion. Yeah, hear that Mandell? Got any SELF-RESPECT in that suitcase of yours? After all, what really have you got to show for yourself after winning thousands of dollars on a popular TV show? Sure, you’ve got thousands of dollars but money can’t buy you European Quiz Championships, as the saying goes.

Contestants range from Welsh mid-stroke:

“The root of the chicory plant is…?”  Oh you don’t know Wales? THEN WHY DID YOU HIT THE BUZZER, IMBECILE?

To family favourite Errol! England’s effemenite representative of massive, ill-fitting suits:

To my own personal favourite unibomber, Hans:

In fact, if you watch it for anything then watch it for Hans and the sheer contempt he exhibits toward the show as he aims miserable glances at the camera with kamikaze accuracy.

Watch as his face floats up at those who’ve wronged him.

 

Watch as he silently screams “I’ve disconnected your breaks, Henry Kelly”


Watch as he burns your retinas with his blinding white sneaker-suit ensemble

 

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About DreadfulBlog
A devilish combination of slightly bored and quite hungry

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